The Pregnancy Triathlon

This is it. You’re in the race toward the ultimate finish line.

First, the training:

Eat early, eat often. Munch on plenty of bland, high-carbohydrate foods throughout the day. Avoid spicy, greasy foods. Whatever you do, don’t drink alcohol. But consume whatever else you can to fuel the beast. Now’s not the time to try anything new in your diet – stick to what you know. If you feel like vomiting, do – then get up and keep going. On the other hand, if you feel like getting seconds, do – then get up and get thirds.

Rest plenty. Nothing will make you more exhausted than this. You will immediately forget how deliriously tired you were within months of crossing the finish line, but in the midst of training you’ll feel like a sack of rocks at the bottom of the sea. Put your head down on your desk, draw the shades for a mid-morning nap, go to bed early. It’s all forgivable given the current demands on your body.

Stretch. Get out and get fresh air. Keep moving, keep exercising. Cross training will help you get through race day and beyond. When you’re too tired to get physical, take a nap and try again when you wake up. And remember, even sex can be considered exercise at this phase in the game.

The first third of the race is the hardest and you will likely feel like you’re going to drown or die. Keep swimming – it will get a lot more fun from here. SeaBands can help with queasiness associated with the new tides. Rest when you have to, even if that means hanging onto a buoy for dear life. No one ever gets disqualified for that.

The second is the most exhilarating – wind on your face, sunshine on your skin. You’re finally out of the water and out in the wild world again! Peddle at a steady pace but enjoy your time and the views. The ride is so energizing that you may even start thinking about signing up for your next race. That’s because this whole ordeal is pretty much making you insane. Meantime, you’ll find other cyclers and share all your agonizing swimming stories and all your post-race plans.

The third is the most uncomfortable and exhausting. Your feet will ache, your pelvis will ache, your back will ache and that hurling sensation will come creeping back in – especially toward the very end. You’ll be swollen and hot. Take your time, one steady breath after another. Don’t worry if others pass you – just try not to pass out from the pain. And remember that this is the point when you always realize your husband is the greatest cheerleader of all time ever.

At the end of it all, you will be astonished at what your body is capable of doing. Even though you can’t remember why on earth you would sign up for such a thing, you know there’s absolutely nothing in this world like crossing that finish line. It forever changes you and your life; it completes you.

Before you know it you’ll be ready to sign up for your next big event.

You mad, mad, mad woman.